Rethink the time you spend with your children.

I am on the computer again. This time, editing your photographs. Trying to make a slide show for your upcoming birthday. How quickly have you grown. Where did time fly? And how much of it did I spend cherishing you without any other thought occupying my head.

You will be turning eight soon. There is not one moment that has passed by in these almost eight years where my heart has not throbbed for you. Nor one day has passed by where you have not been on my mind or prayers.

Yet.

Yet, I am only able to scrape off my left over time to hand in your lap. My undivided attention only lasts for a few minutes, before another interruption is allowed to rob me of just sitting with you, being fully present, and cherishing you. 

I’m either working hard to earn the cash I need to buy you the beautiful dress I saw the other day and thought that it will look gorgeous on you. Other times, I’m interrupting your ceaseless stories that you so want to share with me, because I need to check on the food in the oven, wash another dish, pay another bill, check the next TTC bus schedule, or research the best birthday party idea for you.

Sometimes, people whom I also love, knock on the door of my attention and I justify the urgency of their needs to listening to the fairy tales you want to read me. Other times grocery needs to be done, laundry needs to happen and I rule in favour of the practical errands over the invite for a tea party you handed me on the pink glittery paper with a heart and a pretty girl drawn on it, saying ‘mama I love you’. 

Other times, your homework needs to be done, and I need to be stern with you to keep you focused, before I know it our time together is filled with reminders of your consequences and not-to’s and how-to’s. Pushing extra-curricular activities, leadership development classes and educational emphasis on you makes me live in an illusion that this is enough to be a good parent, while without realizing I’m teaching you to run the rat race.

Running around for community projects, I thought I was modelling to you how to help peoples and be leaders that change the world for better, not realizing that if not kept in check I could also be showing you that projects are more important than people.

When we are out on our playdates, there’s always another task to do on my mind or the next instagram picture of your cuteness to capture, never being fully present with you even in our alone time.

I don’t want to do this anymore. 

I don’t want to be busy doing things for you. I want to be present with you even in my business. I want to have pause moments with you. I want to stop the carousel and just cherish the now and here with you.You are growing up too fast. And I don’t want to miss a thing.

Today and Tomorrow - the 4th letter in the collection of Letters to My Daughter.

Dear Daughter,

yesterday’s strength is not for today
let today create its own
for there are new mountains to climb
there are new roads to walk on

yesterday’s rainbow is not for today
let today find its own pot of gold
for there are new skies to see
there are new stories to be told

if there is anything from yesterday you want to bring
bring love 
for it will always be more than enough

for today and for tomorrow!

K2 - the second highest peak in the world.

So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love. 

1 Corinthians 13:13 (NCV)

[All images taken from google images.]

"La Vita è Bella" - the third letter in the collection of letters to my Daughter.

Dear Daughter,

La Vita e Bella - Life is Beautiful! 

You will need to remind yourself this when you walk in the midst of the ugliness of life. It will be easier if you know that whatever God has created is beautiful - it is us who fail to take care of our entrusted treasures. 

There are breathtaking places in the world. Their scenic view captivates marvel and wonder. In some lands, however, you will not have to walk much further away from their magnificent landscapes to see deep brokenness freely roaming on the very streets where beauty lives - shattered hopes, hungry stomachs and shoeless feet all glistening like coals on the crown of gold.

Life may even show you places of justices that are building scales of bribe, greed and cruelty. And palaces of kindness being adorned with fall trees - beautiful in colour, but carrying death inside. And while I hope that world will be at peace in your time, just like my ancestors had hoped for my generation, don't say life is not beautiful when you see countries fight, blood covered cities and giants of poverty; and when you see people standing for what is right, alone. Do not be surprised when their progress seems like a drop in the ocean and when there are more who oppose them than those cheering them on.

Even then life is beautiful, my sweet-heart! Because beauty is like the sun. When what is not good comes like a cloud-covered-night, it does not mean that sun will not shine again. It surely will. 

There is a power that God has given his children and it works much like how resuscitation works. A doctor comes, knowing well that the heart lying before is no longer beating, gets down with all his or her strength and begins to push hard to get that very dying heart to pump blood again and give oxygen to the entire body. So be that doctor! Don't let the despair of the dying heart steal your purpose of what you are meant to do and what you can do. And don't stop once you start. Don't look to the left or the right. Don't focus on who is with you and who is not. Just focus on doing your best to revive that heart. And in this lies the very act of beauty.

Life is beautiful! Ask God to show you his beauty that dwells here on earth and He surely will. Your job will be to find out what you need to do to preserve it or in many case to be obedient in being His instrument of resurrection of what lies beneath the debris.

You will see many hands building their cottages on the lots that please their eyes. They are gazers of beauty which is already chiseled out and placed on the show for them. But you my daughter look for beauty in the hidden and in the open, in the seemingly ugly and in the obviously beautiful - wherever God has placed it. 

And should you hear a call - a call to seek this beauty in the most unlikely places - jump right at it!

"From Zion, perfect in beauty,
    God shines forth." 

Psalm 50:2 (NIV).

~All images taken from google images~

Hope - the second letter in the collection of letters to my daughter.

Dear Daughter,

Hope. It's only a four letter word. But it has the power to fuel the survival of humanity. To journey well here on earth you must learn to ride on it. Hope is the call that summons you forward in a dark tunnel. And all humans go through a dark tunnel at sometime in their lives. And when you embrace it's brightness you will shine like a bright star in a dark night.

When situations come before you and they appear to suggest that all will not be well or that your dreams may not come true. You speak back to them with courage, strength and confidence. There are many things that can give you this confidence. If you have friends and family standing with you in the midst of your trials they can comfort you and build your confidence in realizing that all will be okay in the end. Diverting your focus on areas in your life that are going well can also help you to not feel the heaviness of trying times. 

Good problem solving and objective thinking can also help you win over many mountains. Difficulties and hurt in life are a sure thing and the world has created many ways of coping with hope-stealing circumstances. We have created distractions to disconnect us from dealing with the real pain. Watching television, eating comfort food, shopping, gossiping, procrastinating and the long list goes on of all some of the things we can do to pretend that nothing has really gone wrong. Not all ways are a complete waste. There are some healthy ways of coping and thriving as well like exercising, eating well, getting good rest, helping others, learning to laugh more and so on.  But the heart of the matter is that they are all dealing with the symptoms, the feelings. They are not the cure.

The real issue is that we are created to live in peace and not in turmoil. Our bodies, minds and souls can only handle temporary crises. Anything that persists longer begins to erode one or all of them. Trying times are usually ones that reveal to us how much we are not in control of things that happen to us. While some don't believe in God, I have chosen to believe. I believe that I was created with purpose and there is someone watching over me whose wisdom and power is greater and beyond my understanding. In fact in my trying times my trust in Him has made me live in peace. More specifically a verse that I have time and time again hung my life on is Romans 8:28 "And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into his plans" (TLB). And this my daughter what gives me hope. I pray that this will be your hope too.

I also pray that nothing will be able to steal your hope in all the days that you live on this earth. And that you will not keep this secret to yourself but will shine it brightly, like the stars do.

Hope shines bright in the darkest of nights.

                                There is always a door of hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit". 

Romans 15:13 (NIV).

~All images taken from Google Images~

First Letter - Collection of Letters to my daughter

Dear Daughter,

Your middle name is joy. And I pray that all the days of your life are filled with joy. But don't confuse joy with happy feelings - which are only a part of the real deal, because joy is much bigger than that. While I do pray that God will give you all the desires of your heart which prosper you, but I want you to know that this alone is not enough to give you joy. It may seem like getting what you want is the secret of having joy, but it is not. 

To find joy you will need to look inward, even when though it seems more natural to look outward.  And I can tell you this that it will not be found in the bubbles of glee floating around you but rather in the rock of faith inside of you. And if you find it, you will see for yourself that it will not burst with trying times, nor will it stop smiling in tears. It runs deep and it is life-giving. This joy is a coat of many colours. Cheerfulness, smiles, laughter, satisfaction, excitement, delight, pleasure, and many other positive feelings are amongst some of its most pleasing-to-the-eye colours. There are, however, other colours as well which do not glitter as brightly - they more subtle and peaceful in shades. Amongst these not so visible colours are colours of peace, security, hope, courage, strength, trust that all will work out for good and faith that you are deeply loved. There are as many ways to wear this robe as there are its colours, each emphasizing a different tone. The secret, my darling, is in knowing that what weaves this coat of many colours together is the glistening thread of gratefulness.

Yes. If you want joy you will have to teach your heart gratefulness. And when you learn to be grateful  it will be as if you have learned to soar on winds.

May your days be filled with Joy.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit". 

Romans 15:13 (NIV).

~images taken from Google Images unless specified~

Intro to the collection of 'Letters to my daughter'

Life brings with it lessons - some are beautifully joy-giving, while others have been priced with pain. If there is anything a mother's heart wants it is to pass on the lessons she has learned, rather she has earned with age and experience, to her daughter. Whether you write them down or whether you make her hear them in your constant nagging or teach them with patience in the creative moments of learning, the intentions behind them is always a mother's heart which is forever seeking to protect and always praying for no harm to ever come near her most treasured pearl.

So here begins my penning down of all that my heart wants hers to know one day.

~All images taken from Google Images~

Dinning out with your little ones...

Quality time equals dinning out at a nice restaurant?  

Not true if it involves your preschoolers. 

When both of my little ones were younger than they are now, which is not so long ago, I used to find fine dining a test of my mothering abilities. To be able to make your little ones forget that they are children and pretend to be adults seemed to be a qualifying factor of whether the kids were well-behaved or not, and the only way to avoid the unwanted gazes from not-with-kids-diners. And then there was always this on-your-toes-guarding to ensure that the place and all that is on the table stays unbroken and intact, while your toddler explored or showed signs of tantrums. If you add all this up it equals to more work for the mother and the children, and not much fun - unless you are not very good at deductive logic.

This might be the very reason why McDonalds is so popular. It is a place where children are expected to be children – a saving grace for both the parents and the kids.

However, I have made some adjustments to my viewpoints. Part of the reason for this change is that my kids are slightly older and more independent - enough to enjoy a meal with least amount of my help, which means mommy can also get to enjoy what’s on her plate, and they take my ‘no’ more seriously now, or at least I like to believe so. Another reason is that both of my kids are good communicators (just sounds better than chatty). And hence dining becomes a place when their mother is not busy serving or thinking about the next errand to do, and can simply listening with a relaxed mind and body.   

Yes, but having said all this, you do need a good restaurant that provides them some level of entertainment at some point at least. One of my favourites, is Moxie’s Classic Grill - a casual fine dining. Not only do they have a good kids’ meal selection and their own individual kids menu to hold, but the highlight is the way they excite the kids' imagination with their especially-made-for-kids-dessert.  If you haven’t visited Moxie’s then let me go ahead and spoil the surprise for you, it is an Ice-cream Dessert Volcano. I think this dessert alone has been enough to keep my kids bribed into wearing their adult-behaving-mannerism. 

So my adjusted perception: as long as the dining places do provide some element of ‘childrenism’, it can be a refreshing and bonding time for the whole family!  Do tell me about your quality time at a fine restaurant…

Our Little Mirrors....

Have you ever found yourself listening to your children converse with each other and felt that their conversation taught you more than what books or your years of experience could have?

Upon watching Heaven, my daughter, play in her toy kitchen, my five year old, Isaiah, says to her: "Heaven let me show you how to make an egg. You take oil and make it hot, then you put the egg and leave it for few minutes and then flip it and leave it for few minutes again and it's done".

And here I thought he's only watching me and was completely clueless that my five year old has gotten the process of making eggs down packed at the age of five - something I had only learned to do in my teen years, embarrassingly . 

Isn't it really that simple. To teach them, just let them watch you! Oh the responsibility of modelling!  Are they really our little mirrors?  We as parents know this. Yet we seem to be not very conscious of this incredible parenting tool we carry with us.  Perhaps we think our words of instruction are more powerful.  And they are, but how we live our lives in front of our tiny ones is even more influential!

It doesn't take much to catch them stepping into our shoes. It is amazing to think that each moment we spent with them, we are in fact engraving a habit, a viewpoint, an attitude, a philosophy or a value in them. And the end product of our imprinting will appear in front of us in a matter of few years, if not sooner.

Treasure of friendship

Behind our perfect exterior and can-do-it-all supermom front, there is a well of vulnerability that needs to be filled with a little love and care from time to time.

How many friends have you circled around yourself with whom you can be transparent enough to cry and admit your inabilities?  We are not perfect, but we demand perfections from ourselves especially when it come to nurturing the little lives God has entrusted us with. It becomes therefore of utmost important ace that we walk with other mothers in our journey of motherhood, and to peek into their wells of vulnerability and have them look at ours.
There is wisdom and empowerment in this
sort-of transparency.

I was blessed to have friends who came around me at the time of my most need and they have taught me some of the most needed lessons in my journey as a mom. Some have even been friends for the season - such as a parenting show, an article in the magazine, a blog on the net, or even a conversation with the nurse or a doctor. Also the ever-infront-of-you question "what's on your mind?" of facebook comes so handy for the instant help-solutions to your parenting dillemas.  It is so comforting if you are even a part of a parenting group - where you can unload your concerns in prayer and fellowship.

I have learned, through these friendships, that happy mothers raise happy children. By ensuring that we are taken care of in our
vulnerable parts, we give our children the tools to do the
same. Sweetness breeds sweetness and confidence produces
confidence. So let's not leave those wells empty, but fill them
with the good stuff with the little help from our friends.

A friend loves at all times.

(Proverbs 17:17)

~All images taken from Google Images~

Dinosaur Train - themed birthday cake

Birthdays are big deal.  

And we mothers know it.  In fact we make it a big deal! Whether you celebrate it with an enormous list of guests or you chose to keep the moment intimate, there is still a lot of planning which needs to find some time on your busy and most likely an overfilled calendar on the fridge. 

Cakes naturally take the centre of attention in this play of birthday celebrations. I remember, last year when I had to invest a great deal of time in running around to find the perfect cake. My son was at an age where he had outgrown Barney, well sort of, and he was not into spider-man enough to want a red and blue cake. Dinosaur train, however, was his favourite show at the time. He knew its songs and had its lyrics memorized. So choosing dinosaur train as a theme was an easy answer when it came to deciding on what kind of cake I should get. It sounded great and I was excited. But only until I met the real challenge. To my surprise, I couldn't find a cake with this theme in my area of hunt. 

I remember doing a lot of bakery-hopping. It wasn't until I came across a store that sold a dinosaur train card game. Yes, you read that correct, a card game not a cake. In my point of desperation, this seemed like a huge green light of hope! And of course there is no telling that I grabbed the box from the shelf quicker than I would catch my breath. With the receipt in my hand and dinosaur card game in my bag, I still had to figure out how I will turn this card game into a cake. Anyway, the adventure was undertaken and the tough got going. 

Since I had spent all my allotted time hunting for dinosaur-themed items, I actually didn't have much time for baking. And hence felt justified in cheating myself to an already baked cake from the bakery nearby. I bought the simplest kind I could get - although those are hard to find these days.  Once I took all the frills out I mixed in my blue and green icing on the cake and stuck the dinosaur pop-up cards from the card box game and bordered the cake with them. And Viola! a dinosaur-themed cake was before my eyes. My son was delighted! Needless to say his delight was priceless for me.

adventures of love...

Tiny toes and the mischief they get into...

After the awe of counting the tiny-infant-toes, the next biggest delight is the moment of actually seeing these tiny feet walk, especially if this is your first child. 

The truth, however is that in between the ohs and the awws, we find ourselves chasing these too-excited feet which have discovered both their ability and freedom. And all of a sudden the laid back and delightful 'awe' is replaced by more of an 'awe' of discovering all that can go wrong. We find these very cute feet sneaking themselves in places we had not imagined they can go. And here we thought that we had overcome the hardest part of parenting - the sleepless nights of infancy. Little did we know, that another trying phase was coming - a phase that is a constant and active chase. And when their excitement and our exhaustion is placed on a graph, they seem to play a perfect tango. 

I remember very vividly when I discovered that if I wanted to prevent hours-of-clean up and food-waste then I needed to have a lock for on my fridge door. This insight came with a hefty cost - a massive clean-up. In this phase of exploration it seems that even if you come from a generation of right-brain-genes carrier, trust me, your child will exhibit all the qualities of being a scientist. They instinctively acquire new knowledge by conducting experiments - Observe, experiment, formulate, test, test again and again and again. And this might be the only time you find yourself not so keen on their scientific-inquiry-impulses. 

Somewhere in this perfect tango, I had realized then that if I did not make an action plan and become pro-active, my children's creative juices and their first taste of self-empowerment will supersede my first taste of 'wow - you can do that' or rather 'oh-oh - not that'. If I could have afforded the luxury of a maid who would clean up all the mess made as a result of their curiosity or the riches enough to replace all the broken items, I think I would have rather enjoyed and laughed with them at their impromptu acts of exploration, as long as their safety wasn't compromised. But since I was in shortage of both privileges, I compromised somewhere in the middle. 

My solutions to handle this madness was simple: a point and shoot camera to witness the disasters, social media network to console, and lots of quicker-picker-upper-dialogues-with-self. Being equipped with all these tools, any one can brave the 'accident' stages of the toddler phase. And at the end of the day, as a survivor, when you put these tiny feet to sleep, you can seal the day with a dose of humour, a tucked-away memory and a seal of a mom's-hug.