Rethink the time you spend with your children.

I am on the computer again. This time, editing your photographs. Trying to make a slide show for your upcoming birthday. How quickly have you grown. Where did time fly? And how much of it did I spend cherishing you without any other thought occupying my head.

You will be turning eight soon. There is not one moment that has passed by in these almost eight years where my heart has not throbbed for you. Nor one day has passed by where you have not been on my mind or prayers.

Yet.

Yet, I am only able to scrape off my left over time to hand in your lap. My undivided attention only lasts for a few minutes, before another interruption is allowed to rob me of just sitting with you, being fully present, and cherishing you. 

I’m either working hard to earn the cash I need to buy you the beautiful dress I saw the other day and thought that it will look gorgeous on you. Other times, I’m interrupting your ceaseless stories that you so want to share with me, because I need to check on the food in the oven, wash another dish, pay another bill, check the next TTC bus schedule, or research the best birthday party idea for you.

Sometimes, people whom I also love, knock on the door of my attention and I justify the urgency of their needs to listening to the fairy tales you want to read me. Other times grocery needs to be done, laundry needs to happen and I rule in favour of the practical errands over the invite for a tea party you handed me on the pink glittery paper with a heart and a pretty girl drawn on it, saying ‘mama I love you’. 

Other times, your homework needs to be done, and I need to be stern with you to keep you focused, before I know it our time together is filled with reminders of your consequences and not-to’s and how-to’s. Pushing extra-curricular activities, leadership development classes and educational emphasis on you makes me live in an illusion that this is enough to be a good parent, while without realizing I’m teaching you to run the rat race.

Running around for community projects, I thought I was modelling to you how to help peoples and be leaders that change the world for better, not realizing that if not kept in check I could also be showing you that projects are more important than people.

When we are out on our playdates, there’s always another task to do on my mind or the next instagram picture of your cuteness to capture, never being fully present with you even in our alone time.

I don’t want to do this anymore. 

I don’t want to be busy doing things for you. I want to be present with you even in my business. I want to have pause moments with you. I want to stop the carousel and just cherish the now and here with you.You are growing up too fast. And I don’t want to miss a thing.